Alright everyone, get ready for a doozy of an update because this week I have thrown everything to the wind. I like to think of myself as pretty organized and too anxious not to have a properly formed plan and schedule, but the impulsivity kicks in every now and then to ruin it and this will be a direct result of that. Because this week I actually read a book. I genuinely cannot remember when I last finished reading a story I chose of my own volition, but I binge-read a book in 24 hours in the middle of this week and it has taken over all thought processes. The plan was originally to write about another classic – and I know you will all be so bummed to hear I am no longer doing that – but instead, I have pushed the whole line-up back to discuss this novel which has taken up the residence of the tiny plot of free real estate that is my mind: The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood. I am laughing as I type this that I enjoyed this novel so much, especially after learning about how it is another example of mass-produced fanfiction from the internet. However, the fact that it reads so much like fanfiction really kept me reading, with its weird quippy lines and typical weird, unlikely situations. Plus, this baby has ALL the tropes. It really is a culmination of what writing on the internet has come to, and I love that those who put themselves out there on public platforms so long ago are getting recognition in the actual world of literature.
Due to how obsessed I became over this story and its dumb characters, I was not surprised I was able to match a song to this mess of a plot immediately. Actually, my immediate thought was the song “Accidentally in Love”, but who needs to be exposed to the Shrek soundtrack like that out of nowhere? It is also a tad on the nose for the plot. For reference, this story in its simplest state is a Fake Dating AU (alternate universe). Graduate student Olive Smith needs to find a date quickly to prove to her friend that she has no feelings for her now ex so that she could date him, but she does not exactly have time to catch feelings. In an ill-advised move to cover a lie that she was on a date, she kisses the first man she comes across, which just so happened to be Dr. Adam Carlsen, the notorious ass of the department known for making students cry. Somehow, the concept of them fake-dating is mutually beneficial for them, so they go through with it and unsurprisingly fall for each other over the course of their arrangement. See how “Accidentally in Love” fits? But, first of all, this song likely would not fit all that well, because it is painfully obvious that Adam is in on this arrangement because he is in fact already in love with Olive, and has been for years due to a chance encounter before she was a student at the university. Second of all, this book gives surprising depth into their backstories and how they have been extremely closed off to the outside world for a long time, making it so that love does not feel like an option for either of them. Over the course of this relationship, the concept of trust and connection stands out amongst any other element, especially in the face of their traumatic pasts. Therefore, the song that I think accentuates the aspects of this story best is “My Heart Is Buried In Venice” by Ricky Montgomery.
I would say I am sorry, but a good rom-com is always my jam. I hope it is yours too, or at the very least you find my intense deep-dive into a novel based on a terrible Star Wars sequel trilogy relationship comical. With that, let us look into the first bit of the song…
“Come rest your bones next to me
And toss all your thoughts to the sea
I’ll pull up each of our anchors
So we can get lost, you and me”
It is hard to put into words just how much these two characters come to rely on each other by the end of the book. Olive makes the observation near the end about how Adam makes her feel like a different person who can do anything. Olive genuinely makes Adam a better person and allows him to open up and be more himself. Both of these characters only really have two friends each and those people are their only support system. Having found each other combined their worlds, but also opened them up to so many more possibilities in their lives now that they can begin to move on with their lives, which previously involved largely wallowing in their sorrows. Both have felt very empty in their lives: Olive lost her only family – her mother – when she was 15 to cancer, and she has since dedicated herself to the research of early detection technologies to prevent circumstances like hers; Adam has always felt like he was never good enough due to the pressure and insults of the people he looked up to, and so keeps laboring on in his studies and research to make up the hole of inadequacy left in him. Together, they lift each other up but also allow each other to sink into each other and finally feel the emotions they often leave bottled inside.
“My heart is buried in Venice
Hidden beneath all my worries and doubts
My heart is buried in Venice
Waiting for someone to take it home”
Throughout the development of their relationship, it is clear they both have immense insecurities that make them feel as if they are not worthy of love, least of all the love of the other. Olive, once she comes to accept that she most certainly has feelings for Adam, gets emotional and weepy. She states many excuses for why she does not want to act on these feelings, but only after thorough prying for a real reason as to why she cannot be happy by seeking out this relationship does she reveal her true feelings: “Because all the people I’ve cared about are gone”. After going through the trauma of losing all of her family at such a young age, Olive has convinced herself she will never get to have the love of something akin to a family again. She has been alone for so long that she has become accustomed to it and expectant of it, and that disrupting that flow would likely still yield the same results with additional heartbreak. This girl does not see herself as good enough and is so scared to lose what has become a genuine friend in Adam, that risking losing all of him would be too great in exchange for risking more. Adam has also locked his heart securely away, not ever expecting to make his own life mean anything more beyond academia. He had a very distanced upbringing and only one true friend to come along throughout it all. While he is a genius, it still seems clear that the way he treks forward came at a cost of the rest of his livelihood – he also could never be enough for Olive, the perfect girl that cannot seem to see herself the way he sees her. It is only because of the realization that they bring out the best in each other that they can open up and risk it to feel a semblance of “home”.
“Even when you try to hide it
A smile creeps out from your teeth
I never thought that I would have to say I’m sorry
For anyone but me”
Honestly, I was mad for a good portion of this book simply because the characters are BLIND, and this went on for a while. To be fair, they stayed in character: Olive is terrible at communication, but also she lies often and the whole story originates on a lie, so I guess this was expected; Adam will not just come forward and tell her that they had met before this incident and that he is The Guy from the prologue, but at this point, it is a bit late in the game and he seems supremely awkward; both have terrible self-esteem and it is aggravating, but realistic and keeps the story going in a logical way instead using it as an excuse not to move the plot along. But this became so incredibly irritating because of how much chemistry they have. Dr. Adam Carlsen is a big grump who seems to take pleasure in ruining people’s plans for graduation, but Adam is really just a man trying to make his students valuable scientists who can keep a career in academia going, even if he unknowingly holds them to his high, sometimes unreachable standards. And only through Olive are we able to see his walls come down and enjoy some things in life, become more understanding, and even smile. Adam also seems to be the only person who can actually reign in Olive’s anxieties and validate her feelings. Her intense fear of public speaking is often met with hollow reassurances, but Adam helps to deconstruct her worries by letting them exist and helping her create a plan to make her more confident before throwing herself out into the world. They have the ability to make the other improve themselves for the better, and even allow the other to simply feel and exist while they are there with them unconditionally.
“Say, say what you mean
Tell me the truth or tell me you’re through
Don’t leave me to breathe
Don’t leave me to bleed
For someone who chose to leave me be”
The bridge is a thing a beauty when compared to this story, because right after they finally seem to come together and understand each other better, Olive proves she is blind to true love and breaks off the fake relationship at the agreed-upon date to let Adam live his life. Truly, it is for good reason and she comes to learn a lot about love, but once again her poor self-esteem and communication skills result in the wrong outcome. Due to a series of events that seem likely to leave either Olive or Adam in heartbreak, Olive decides to spare Adam by breaking things off, leaving her to deal with the consequences of the situation and for him to live his life without worry. However, everything Adam is doing for his future is directly related to Olive, so her thinking that this would all be for his benefit is flawed. Both of them are suffering in this current situation, and it takes both her friends and Adam’s only close friend to get through to her that Adam has done and will do everything for Olive, regardless of the consequences. Without fully comprehending it, by not being completely open about their plans and the events happening in their lives, they are bleeding each other out. Their unrequited-requited love would suck the life out of both of them if they never managed to talk it out properly, but luckily, doom is not in the cards for either of them.
With this story being a rom-com fanfiction, you would expect it to be unbearable. In some ways and to some people, I am sure it certainly is, because it is still obvious that this is fanfiction. However, many could attest that there are many fanfictions online that are better written than some mainstream content being put out today, and sometimes even better than its source material. While some of the plot directions this story takes could definitely be seen as goofy, I think each interaction these characters have still contributed to the overarching story and ensures to develop their relationship in legitimate and expressive ways. Looking at this story through the lens of “My Heart Is Buried In Venice” can help in understanding just how dynamic this relationship becomes and how nothing about these characters is surface level. It provides the wacky hijinks of any rom-com while still keeping the serious elements that make this story and its characters feel real and fleshed out in this world. It is possible to connect with this novel and see the internal struggles of the characters, not even just Olive, who we often get to see the inner workings of, but all of them as they interact with her and each other. Because first and foremost, this is a story of trust as it is both broken and upheld. Through trust, anything can seem possible, and this story makes sure to emphasize that in every way.
-Lauren Lotarski, Blogger.
Lauren Lotarski – Poetry Editor & Copy Editor: Lauren is a sophomore at Lewis University majoring in Psychology and English with a concentration in Literature and Language. She is also employed at the university library. In her free time, she likes to read, draw, knit, and consume general popular media like movies, TV shows, and video games. Some of her favorite authors are Leigh Bardugo, Charles Dickens, and Neil Gaiman. She hopes to improve upon her writing and knowledge of literature during her time at Lewis and apply it to her future endeavors.